re: your dude

or, the time I almost died

A no coast offense (n.) is an magical-realist American football offensive scheme where every play is 3rd and seven, and every play call is a five-yard out route that the quarterback throws into the ground at the feet of the WR, who is either not open or would have dropped it anyway. I don’t know why I chose this slightly broken football joke as an internet sobriquet but I also don’t know any good reason to unchoose it, so here we are. (shortest version: west coast offense : no coast offense :: new wave : no wave.)

My actual name is Pete Beatty. I am a writer and editor. I’ve worked for the University of Chicago Press, Bloomsbury USA, Open Road Media, Belt, and many other places, including a driving range behind a Dairy Queen and a liquor store in Chicago. I was/am a founding editor at Currently I teach at Kent State University and  write + edit for my own self. I am from Berea, Ohio, lived in Chicago for a long time, lived in Brooklyn for nearly as long, and now live in Cleveland. You can reach me at ptbeatty [at] gmail [dot] com. You may or may not have found my writing at places like:, BELT MagazinePitchers and Poets,, Deadspin, Trop, The Awl (it was an excerpt from a Classical thing), Fangraphs (OK, it was my voice in this case), Byliner, Cleveland Scene, in the book Rust Belt Chic, or on Twitter. Once I got a tweet published in the New York Times.


(Northeast Ohio)
0. Middleburg Heights
1. South Berea (twelve years)
1a. Strongsville (three months)
2. North Berea (four years)

(Chicago I)
3. Woodlawn (two years)
4. Hyde Park I (two years)
4a. Hyde Park II (one summer)
5. Palmer Square (eight months)

(New York)
6. Cobble Hill (a month)
6a. Larchmont, NY (two weeks)
7. The lower upper east side (three months)

(Chicago II)
7a. Pilsen I (three months)
8. Hyde Park III (six months)
9. Andersonville/Edgewater/Uptown agglomeration (three months)
10. Hyde Park IV (two and a half years)
10a. Hyde Park V* (disputed; only slept there three or four times but paid rent and did laundry there)
11. Little Village (five months)
12. Pilsen II (one month)

(New York II)
13. Woodside, Queens, NY (two months)
14. Crown Heights, Brooklyn (one week)
14a. Crown Heights II (three months)
15. Bushwick, Brooklyn (nine months)
16. Sunset Park, Brooklyn (four years eight months)
17. Edgewater, Cleveland (since June 2014, spinning clock icon)