Pure Sugar

August 26, 2008

Delicious Recipe Jake Made Up Out of Shit In the Fridge

Filed under: Real Talk — Tags: , , , , , — Jake @ 7:25 pm

Today I got home from work, did some more work, and then decided it was time to eat. There wasn’t much in the house, but it went a little something like this…First, I needed a protein. There was no meat, except 12 month old, freezer-burned, chicken-ice-mush-hockey puck-breast meat rocks in the freezer. I was considering delivery, but then I realized I had Garbanzo beans. Garbanzo beans…if hummus can be delicious, so can a gBean salad.

I had a lime, some left-over fennel bulb and parsley from a fish recipe, and the rest I keep around the house. I present without further ado: Garbanzo bean salad with fennel, garlic, and parsley.

Serves 2: Unless You’re Really Hungry

  • 1 Can of Garbanzo Beans (rinsed)
  • 1/2 Bulb of Fennel
  • 4 small, 3 medium, or 2 large Garlic Cloves (as close to paste as possible)
  • 1 Handful Flat Leaf Parsley (minced)
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 3 Tablespoons White Wine Vinegar
  • 1/3 Cup Olive Oil
  • Salt and Pepper to Taste (Don’t be shy, real pro’s pile these on)
  • A Dash or Two or Sesame Oil (I didn’t have Tahini, but this would work fine as well. The sesame flavor adds a lot).
  • This recipe is extremely straightforward. Put everything in a bowl. Taste it. If it needs more acid, add more vinegar. If it’s too sour, add some salt and some olive oil. If it doesn’t have enough kick form the garlic, add some more pepper. If you’ve done all of this and it’s still bland, add a little more parsley and a little more garlic. The longer this bitch sits the better it gets. 20 or 25 minutes at least, any more than that and you’re in for a wild ride. In a good way.

    If anyone actually makes it, let me know what you think.

    August 7, 2008

    Dear Apple,

    Filed under: Real Talk — Tags: , , , , , — Jake @ 9:20 am

    Dear Apple,

    So I’m in technology consulting, and a moderate tech geek. I even spent a few years being an Apple sys admin/tech guy for a private school in Chicago. I don’t work at a genius bar, but I know my shit. Self-proclaimed mac fanboi’s and sworn lifers are surprised when I know more about when system 8 went live, what changed with in system 9, and how much OSX sucked when it first got released (slowest OS ever). All I mean to say is I can hang with the best of them.

    My point? I have a pet hobby staying on top of Apple. I grew up using them, spent time with them professionally, and now I’m a casual consumer (no iPhone, just an iPod).

    I think I, as much as anyone, recognize the incredible and undeniable impact Apple has had on the world of professional computing. Apple’s bread and butter historically were expensive graphics workstations (a loyal but very small market) and education (a loyal and fairly large market). With Steve Jobs’ triumphant return in the 90’s, Apple saw their explosion in the laptop market, home PC market (iMacs mostly), and most recently consumer electronics (iPod and iPhone). Apple made a brilliant move finally moving to a more familiar hardware paradigm with Intel a few years ago, and I believe it was their tipping point. It’s only going to get better from here for them. Maybe.

    Apple still has this little problem whereby someone there thinks it’s a good idea to stifle what has come to be recognized as the greatest driver of innovation in human record: collaboration. Call it wiki, call it information sharing, open source, whatever the H you want. It’s the age old idea that “2(or n) heads are better than one”. To be more specific, I was reading this article which set me off:

    http://www.webmonkey.com/blog/iPhone_Coders_Miffed__Muzzled_By_Apple_s_NDA

    In a nutshell, Apple released the software and tools people needed to develop all those fun apps for the iPhone everyone is talking about and buying. They made these dev tools available before they released the new iPhone 3g. Reasonably, in order to get head starts coding and programming for the new phone before its release, Apple required acquiescence to an NDA forbidding developers and programmers from discussing anything they did with anyone else.

    This would be like if after Al Gore invented the internet, NO ONE was allowed to talk about HTML. Ever. No emails, no web forum posts, no magazine articles, NOTHING. THERE WILL BE NO TALKING ABOUT HOW TO MAKE THE INTERNET BETTER. JUST DO IT YOURSELF. Think about how long rollover animations and Gem buttons would have taken to become common. Where would the internet be without rollovers?

    This is obviously preposterously stupid. As the article states, there are people who are giving up on the iPhone as a platform simply out of frustration regarding their inability to talk, collaborate, and work through programming issues. But more importantly than that, this group model which drives innovation over the internet; the ability to communicate and share ideas and problems instantaneously with people on every part of the globe, is hamstrung.

    Why is Apple doing this? It’s hard to say, Apple has never been good at discussing its feelings. The whole company is one gigantic black box. They even throw their biggest fans in jail and sue them to keep them quiet. It’s a very strange business model, and one that borders on the unreasonable. To give Apple the benefit of the doubt, it was probably as the article states to protect the inner workings of the new iPhone software and hardware previous to it’s launch. But it’s been a month. Why would Apple take its most promising new platform, and lock it down to everything except some stupid Sudoku and Pinball games? Or, like, a program that lists restaurants around me based on GPS. That’s fucking great Apple, but how about your Enterprise phone allowing me to turn off syncing with Active Sync on a schedule so I can do business by day with my iPhone and party with it by night?

    I mean that was the idea, right? Even if you don’t let me do that with Active Sync right now, why won’t you let someone else pick up your slack? Oh right, HUBRIS.

    Apple has always maintained that it is a hardware company, not a software company. They started building PC’s, and to this day their greatest achievements are mechanical and engineered, not programmed (I have enormous respect for Apple software engineers, without them none of Apple’s success would be possible).

    So why the fuck are they making the same mistakes of using difficult and closed hardware platforms, and relying on other people to innovate with software FOR THEM while simultaneously providing significant barriers to that process?

    This is a classic Apple contradiction; Apple for some reason always manages to shoot itself in the foot when it comes spreading their seed (pun intended). This company (or maybe it’s just Jobs) is fatally flawed. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Apple products. I love that they are market leaders. In terms of hardware, no one can compete with Apple for polish, usability, aesthetics, or function. They are just too far ahead and too willing to take risks where others won’t. Whereas all other computer and electronics companies build and design for business or government or education (cheap, mass produced, low frills, etc.), Apple does what it does the PEOPLE. The iPhone was for hipsters and chic nerds before it was touted as an “enterprise phone” (it still isn’t an enterprise phone, but it’s so awesome in other ways people are starting to look the other way about that).

    Apple makes products that people want to integrate into their everyday lives. More than a bricky smartphone, more than a clunky ugly laptop, more than a slow and unintuitive cheap MP3 player. They make tech accessible and cool for everyone.

    And yet, they’re stifling people who are trying to do all of the hard work to make the iPhone 3g something Apple never could: a richly supported hardware platform. It’s the richly supported part Apple can’t do on its own.

    Again, why? Control. It’s always about control with Apple. Control of the media, control of it’s product launches, control of it’s OS, control of it’s hardware, control of what network you use the iPhone on, control control control. For the iPhone specifically, the closer they can keep the development to their chest, the more programs they get a cut of on the App store. So revenue protection has something to do with it. Also, the more people learn about the iPhone and potentially post about it on the tubes, the sooner Apple’s competitors can catch up through imitation.

    Maybe Apple’s tight control on things is necessary for them to remain the market leader. They generally tend to produce such radically advanced devices that it’s possible they need the extra lead time between products for the next big products pipeline. IF they keep people guessing long enough maybe it gives them the time they need to really push the next “big one” to that “oh my god look what Apple did” level.

    In any case, I love their products, but at the same time I hate their games. I hate that they are one of the most profitable, offering rich, interesting companies in the world, and yet they wallow in this old world, black box, closed door paranoia clusterfuck.

    Don’t you get it Apple? You aren’t powering iPhones with cold fusion or using materials no one else knew existed. You’re actually just taking (for the most part) fully extant technology, and being really really smart and thoughtful about how you package it and how you present it from an interface standpoint to your customers. That’s it.

    You didn’t invent touch screen, you didn’t invent 3g, and you didn’t invent the MP3 player. You just took all of that and put it together way better than anyone else did. So all of your stupid secrecy and craziness is just that, crazy. No one can take away the brilliance your company has at beautiful design (and you can’t hide that either!), no one is going to take away your slavishly loyal workforce (that’s not a secret either), and no one can take away your vision at bringing the right products with the right features to the market at the right time.

    This weird fake “we are for the people” up front and “we are crazy fascist psychos” in the back thing is totally unnecessary, and frankly probably stifling to you as a company. You’re not DARPA, and your technology really isn’t very impressive. It’s your EXECUTION that kills off the competition every time. Your shit usually doesn’t break, and it’s usually sexy and fun and exciting to use. TO cap it all off you make it pretty. You make being a geek cool, and have for a long time. That’s your bread and butter. That’s your base. SO STOP ALIENATING GEEKS WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU MAKE MORE GEEKS COOL AND SEXY. ALSO WHO ARE HELPING YOU TO TURN REGULAR SEXY PEOPLE INTO GEEKS WHO BUY APPLE.

    This is not rocket science.

    July 24, 2008

    Stay Tuned

    Filed under: Real Talk, get rich quick — Tags: , , , , — Jake @ 2:55 pm

    My mother recently unconverted some long forgotten original short stories illustrated and dictated by me aged 5-7. They are really strange, yet laughably insightful about what was going on in 5 year old Jake’s head.

    In other news, I have somewhat to some degree snapped out of my existential dilemma. I mean, Tanya is right, now’s not the best time to be entrepenuerial. On the other hand, what I want to do (alternative/renewable energy) is pretty much the hottest industry IN THE WORLD right now. Ce la vie, if it isn’t a bubble it will be there in a year or two.

    I do feel a strange compulsion to migrate east, in the general (specific?) direction of NYC. I spent a lot of time there as a child and have always wanted to live there as an adult, just for shits.

    I am going to do my best to write here at least once a week, but potentially more frequently than that.

    World Affairs: Did you know that 6 hours in the sun can pretty much completely purify putrescent drinking water? For some reason, this is not well known in the world. That’s a goddamn travesty, and my little blog and it’s 4 readers at least are now informed. It’s called SODIS and it rocks. Big ups to my roomate Mike for pointing that one out.

    This just in: I told someone at work today that I have “re-loaded my business development glock clip”. Discuss.

    July 6, 2008

    REAL LIFE TRUE SEX STORIES

    Filed under: LOST, Real Talk, get rich quick — Jake @ 10:58 pm

    I think I’m having an existential crisis. The title was just a hook to grab your attention.

    Ever since I graduated from college I’ve had the mostly singular goal of “make more money. 3 Years out, I am by and large an enormous success. However, it turns out that I think I’ve stumbled onto an important bit of knowledge. When you work hard at something you don’t care about or that you at least aren’t sure is really making the world any better of a place, success becomes less tangible. Mathematically, it looks something like:

    1/√(your hopes and dreams) * (what you’re willing to do for money) ^(how much money you’re getting paid)

    As you can see, you success is only diminished by a fractional square root of the sum total of your hopes and dreams. This is because the world makes money important for you as you get older. Someone really screwed the pooch on that one. I blame Ronald Reagan.

    Put more simply for people who don’t like math, I’ve graphed the equation above on two simple axes, happyness and money.

    The money axis is taken to represent relative salary in a job for which one holds no real passion or personal esteem.

    The happyness axis should be self-explanatory, but then so should the advice of all those old people who told me my whole life to “find something you love and do it every day”.

    chaart.GIF

    For the longest time I told myself that those people who gave me that advice had their own slough of problems and were stupid dumb old hypocrites. Who takes advice from hypocrites?

    Obviously what I needed to do was find the highest paying job I possibly could, then be smarter than everyone around me and get promoted. Throw in a few hostile promotion demands and eventually some job upgrading, and voila! Now I have disposable income that could support any number of small destitute villages around the world. I’m not Angelina Jolie or Madonna, but that’s partly because I don’t share any of it.

    For the last 3 years, I believed all of that shit. I even leased a Lexus. But I think it’s finally wearing me out. My new job is even more money with even smarter and more capable people. I’m not working from home and there are people to interact with. By and large I should be thrilled. And don’t get me wrong, I know million or even billions of people would be envious of what I have and have accomplished. The world’s a crooked place and I was born smart and ambitious, leaving me no choice but to ride the happyness curve illustrated above.

    But going back to all that whiny, feel good advice I ignored and even scoffed at…

    What it’s taken me 26 years to realize is that those people I looked down on for telling me to follow my dreams but didn’t themselves weren’t telling me to because they heard it on TV and it sounded good. They weren’t trying to be duplicitous or fool me into thinking they dreamt about being whatever BS thing they were their whole lives.

    It’s taken me 26 years to realize that they were, at least in some cases, warning me not to make the mistakes they did.

    Back to the drawing board.

    May 8, 2008

    Happy Mother’s Day

    Filed under: Mom — Jake @ 9:36 pm

    I know it’s a couple days early, but I love you mom, this one’s for you. Below is the email I sent when my former job unexpectedly shut off my BlackBerry costing me all of my contacts and messages:

    Email to Family

    Straight, to the point, feel the love. I really miss them. My mother, who just a few years ago could operate no device more technologically sophisticated than a rotary phone, immediately replied on her iPhone with the speed of a 12 year-old school girl texting her BFF: (i blanked out the numbers, stalkers)

    Numbers Blanked Out

    I was so proud of her newfound and hard earned technological prowess I wrote back:

    screen-3.JPG

    Thinking I had the last laugh, imagine my surprise when my mom actually came back over the top, and took it to the end-zone:

    BLAO!

    She out technologied me. Mom, you’re pimpin’ truly never drags. Happy Early Mothers day.

    May 7, 2008

    last will and testament

    Filed under: Uncategorized — Jake @ 6:50 am

    Jake/Ted Kaczynski

    To Whomever it May Concern,

    I, Jake R. hereby offer my last will and testament, in the event that this broke ass US Airways flight doesn’t make it to Las Vegas. I will board soon.

    US Airways, you frighten me. Sometimes you lose my reservation, sometimes you check my bags only halfway, on purpose, when I have a connection. Often times, when confronted with these shortcomings, your management actually defends these actions. For example,
    (at the baggage counter in SFO)

    me: Hi, I’m looking for my bag. I just flew in from Philadelphia.

    baggage troll: FEE FIE FOE FUM! I hate your fucking guts and your dad’s guts too!!! snorglesnax!!

    me: Maybe you could look it up with this little baggage tag they gave me in Philidelphia to track it. That’s what the nicer-than-you-but-not-by-much-man over there said by the carosel…

    chief baggage troll : Don’t you come in here disrespectin our employees. Who do you think you are, Chris MOTHERFUCKING Martin?! (this was a direct quote, I believe she was referrring to the lead singer of Cold Play…who is blond.)

    me: I am very sorry, I was just hoping you could maybe help me find my bag.

    baggage troll: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAS TO ASK FOR YO TICKET JACKET?!

    me: Just once sir (as I hand the singly asked for ticket jacket over)

    baggage troll: Oh yo bag is in Philly. Anythin else you want?

    me:……….
    (30 seconds pass by, I think I was visibly having tremors from the rage that was rising and increasing every moment from my inner most depths)

    me: Well, I don’t think I can reach it from here with my hands, Philly is pretty far away. Any idea why my bag, which was checked in Philly to SFO, never left Philly?

    baggage troll: Listen dude I already told you what you want to know, why you still here trippin’?

    me: Please have my bag delivered to my house, here is my address and $20 for your trouble. You’ve been extremely helpful.

    baggage troll: I got you dog. We straight.

    In the event that the not so impossible should happen, say a mechanic forgets to tighten a wheel lug nut, or gas both engines, or decides that little itty bitty crack over the wing has “made it this far”, I feel compelled to set down my last wishes.

    I would like first and foremost to leave my bed to my sister. I stole a mattress of hers in college once to sleep on and a friend at the time got wasted, passed out, and apprently became incontinent upon it. Aja, I’m really really sorry. This new bed is pretty nice. Also, the new one really hasn’t seen much action, so no worries there.

    I would like to donate my mp3 music collection to my roomamte Mike. I never hear you listening to music, and I think maybe you need some in your life. Also, I know you have a special place in your heart and auditory cortex for Super Furry Animals. Enjoy.

    I would like all of my clothing donated to the first bum anyone can find that has a really fun sign like “will work for meth”, or “if you think gas is expensive, try living on Jack and crack”, or “I will kill George Bush for a dollar”. Higher priority should be given to any transient missing a limb. The more the better.

    Lastly, I wish to leave my organs, kidneys, liver, lungs, heart, eyes, and ligaments in a tissue bank to be used by memebers of my family as they see fit. This may seem altruistic and a little gross, but that’s how much I love my family. I also have no money to leave them, and nothing else really of value.

    Also, I’m hoping someday a relative will have me cloned so I can sue the shit out of US Airways in the future for killing me in the past. I know they would let me do that in California, you can sue anyone for anything here. If you’re white. Or Jewish. If you can pass for both like me, you don’t even have to sue, you can just demand things.

    I want to be buried in loafers, Gold Aviators, and my best overpriced designer hoodie. I still maintain that I invented the look and it’s only fair I be buried in it. I KNOW…the Unibomber may have have had a hand in his police sketch with helping come up with the hoodie/aviator/i dont know how to shave look, but I added the loafers and SOLD IT like it was my bitch for the last 5 years. Thanks for bein’ a mensch Ted.

    In conclusion, on my tombstone I would request the following to be written:

    “FUCK YOU US AIRWAYS”

    Signed,
    Jake Raden
    May 8th, 2008

    Witnessed by:
    LeVonday Reese,
    Guy who sold me magazines and trail mix near gate B3 in PHL International.

    May 6, 2008

    Pennsylmania

    Filed under: LOST — Tags: , , , — Jake @ 3:49 pm

    I’m sitting in a hotel in a suburb of Philadelphia. It’s a Hampton Inn. I had to come here to my company’s headquarters after I quit my job for a new better one to tell the people here all the same things I’ve been telling them from SF for the last 3 years: you guys suck, I deserve more money, and someone at a another company is going to recognize that soon. Soon, in this case, being 2 weeks ago when I got a nice offer from another company and resigned.
    Back to beautiful Morrisville PA…The accommodations are hard to describe. Off white walls, lightly stained wood furniture, and typical hotel room lamps scattered seemingly at random.
    It’s how I imagine someone would choose to decorate a room if you opened up their skull, poured some bleach and Novocain in, then stapled it back up and asked them to shake their head to mix thoroughly. Post-Lobotomy or maybe PoLo for short.
    I went to Kohl’s after work because I forgot to bring anything to wear on my business trip to the Spa and Fitness Center here. More on the Spa and Fitness Center later…
    So I bought some shorts, a t-shirt, and a pair of 60$ sneakers at Kohl’s. I know I know, why would I buy 60$ shoes for one night in a shitty hotel when I have perfectly good sneakers at home?
    Well it’s not really fair for you to ask that, I mean how do you know I have perfectly good sneakers at home?
    Well, you were right, I do. But I bought them because when you’re alone in a weird small remote place, without any real options to do anything except work out, and you don’t have anything to work out in, sometimes you do crazy things. At the counter when I was checking out, the women handed me a piece of paper with my receipt and said:

    woman (I think): “Here are you 10 Kohl dollars. You can use these next time you’re at Kohl’s.”
    jake (me): “But I have been to Kohl’s exactly once in my life previous to this. And I was 17. That means this has to last at least 9 years to even have a statistically significant chance of being worth more than the $.005 I could get recycling it”
    woman (I think): “It’s good for 12 months”
    jake (me): “Can I just give it to you since you work here, and you can totally use it for yourself. I’ll give it to you for 5$!”
    woman (I think): “You’re an angel! Don’t let my manager see!”</font>
    And that’s how made 5$ today I wasn’t expecting to make.

    So really, I guess those sneakers were only 55$. Moral #1 of this story: There really is such a thing as a free lunch. If you spend 55$ dollars first. And you don’t mind explaining low grade statistics to cashiers. And there are morally bankrupt Pennsylvania cashiers Johnny on the Spot with a Linc (a five dollar bill).

    So back to the Spa and Fitness center. Please realize, this is not the name I gave to the Spa and Fitness Center, nor would I name it that if given that exalted responsibility. I would probably settle on or around

    “Concrete and Mirror Room with Treadmill and Small Trampoline”.

    I think this how they make superheroes out of 14 year old girls in the Ukraine. If all I had to look forward to was doing gymnastics on steroids in a room like this I could probably learn how leap small buildings, rotate my torso 360 degrees, and win Gold fucking medals at the Olympics too. But I digress. There were no steroids and no Olympics in my future.

    I ran for an uneventful amount of time and for an uneventful distance. People kept walking by the Spa and Fitness Center and looking at me with either disgust, confusion, or a psychotic combination of the two.

    I’m so glad to be leaving this place tomorrow morning. The only people I talk to when I’m here are people from work or the crazy people at the front desk. And I think the front desk people might all be raging meth addicts. They checked me into the hotel in like, 8 seconds last night. My workouts are confined to a glorified solitary confinement unit. The water from the tap in the room tastes like dirt. Like actual real dirt from the ground. I had at least 4 different conversations with people from work today about Deer as pests in their yards.

    How do people starve in this country if we have places where Deer are PESTS in backyards?

    By the time I walked back to my room from the Spa, I had the overwhelming urge that I was breaking down. I felt like someone HAD poured bleach and Novocain into my skull. I knew I needed to get out of this place. It was ruining everything I love and hate about me, which is maybe the worst possible thing I can imagine having to go through and be cognizant of. I have a name for this affliction, and its name is: Pennsylmania.

    May the morning come swiftly, and the cab for the airport punctually. Or else I might just go drown myself in the office park pond across the street with all the Geese and water dyed toxic-chemical blue. What a fitting end it would be, dead in the water, just like my soon to be ex-job, my soon to be ex-company, and this whole damn suburb.

    April 28, 2008

    Filed under: Uncategorized — Jake @ 10:09 am


    Lil Wayne - Lollipop lyrics

    So I was listening to music on Imeem (imeem.com) today and I noticed that you can embed lyrics to your favorite songs. The above is not my favorite song, but it is HILARIOUS.

    I’m particularly fond of the dounble entedre, “shorty says im so sweet she wants to lick the (w)rapper”

    Brilliant.

    April 17, 2008

    Russian Lemonade Labels

    Filed under: Uncategorized — Jake @ 3:36 pm

    The Evil Empire

    I was doing my usual internet perusing today and I stumbled upon this little gem:

    http://www.sadcom.com/labels/index.htm

    It’s a website devoted to endangered and extinct Soviet lemonade labels. Now if you read any of the text you’ll see that the English is less than perfect, making for some really fantastic reading. I believe “lemonade” is really meant to say, “independent, additive/chemical free soft drinks”. But I’m just stabbing in the dark here.

    Honestly most of them are beautiful, and they all share a certain Soviet, future-looking (think Jetsons) quality that is extremely endearing. I’m thinking I could make a quick stack of cheddar if I went to cafepress.com and made T-Shirts for each label/brand, hipsters and their ilk (me?) would buy them faster than I could empty my Paypal account.

    Honestly though, the commentary is really the magic of the page

    1. At one point a bold header makes reference to “Last mogicians“. It leads into a succinct but moving account of how the good, natural, local sodas have been pushed out first by Pepsi, then Koke. It’s heart-warming to see that issues like Globalization are not philosophical doodles on behalf of the overpaid US Bourgeoisie. Everywhere you go, the small, local, independent is suffering for the sake of the corporation. The hive mind is pushing out the self interest of the individual. Soon all we have to choose from is Coke and it’s varietals. Globalization unfortunately seems to mean for us homogenization of EVERYTHING that can be commoditized. Soda, clothes, cars…for now.

    Unrestrained free market economics runs a serious risk allowing EVERYTHING to be commoditized and at some point then homogenized for economies of scale and efficiency. It’s just not efficient to have choices and differences and decisions to make. It’s efficient to live like ants. Nameless, anonymous, and singularly-focused.

    Oh well. At least it’s a nice day out.

    March 31, 2008

    Rationalization

    Filed under: Real Talk — Tags: , , , — Jake @ 3:16 pm

    Today I went to the gym, and it was awesome. I was filled with great strength and vigor and my muscles were thoroughly blasted. I was feeling good, like (Gov) Arnold in an orgy good.

    Then I went to the grocery store, searching for clean protein, a meal worthy of my pump session. I decided on a Yellowfin tuna steak, and an avocado mango salsa. No homo.

    As I was leaving I realized I was almost out of smokes at home, and that the tobacco cabinet at Safeway abides. Then I thought to myself,

    “No self, it won’t bother you not to have them, plus, they cost money and spending money is not as fun as not spending money when it comes to vices.”

    And I left. When I got home I promptly smoked my last cigarette. A few hours later, I was smoking a bummed cigarette with my roommate, and I realized the foolishness of my earlier decision.

    For some reason I managed to convince myself at the grocery store that, if I just didn’t buy cigarettes I wouldn’t notice they weren’t there. Now this it turns out is a ridiculous notion. No one who knows me, and especially ME, would believe that. I’ve been smoking for 5 years. I’ve never really quit for more than a week. Most recently, I tried to quit 2 weeks ago. Obviously it didn’t take. So the idea that I could simply quit by NOT BUYING THEM, is just ludicrous. I’ve tried lozenges, gum, cold-turkey, you name it, I’m still smoking.

    But shit, what a beautiful idea. That anyone could quit smoking if they just chose not to buy them once.

    On a separate note, I met someone today who was invited by a particularly scummy guy to go to, now get this, an Iron Maiden concert. I bet he drives an Iroc, too. In the end, I guess Life imitates Art. For referemce, listen to “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus.

    I heard another a good story today. My roommates friend was dog sitting for a family friend for an older dog and it died on her watch. After the expected awkward news-breaking and kvetching, the family asked her to take the dog (dead) to the vet for cremation. Apparently, she acquiesced.

    Now this girl did not have a car, and thus (this is too much) has to take the bus. With a dead dog. In her infinite wisdom, she put the dog in a duffel bag. ‘Natch, how else would you take a dead dog on a bus?

    On the bus, the grimreapper was PUNCHED IN THE FACE, and mugged. The mugger, on this unlucky day, stole the duffel bag and made off without contest with a dead fucking dog.

    Unbelievable.

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