Snap Movie Apostrophes: Edward Scissorhands

It’s been a long 15 years since I last saw you, but I have to say, they haven’t been kind. I really liked you when I was a confused, overly sensitive, proto-emo kid in ninth grade. Now I’m jaded and see way too much of True Stories in you. You were the perfect distraction for tonight, however, an evening covered in snow, and, well, after the blanket assertions I made about Burton’s work last month, I figured you were do a review.

If you are good, it’s almost entirely because of Alan Arkin and the cop. Arkin’s test on ethics at the dinner table is a nice (if half-hearted) critique of capitalism. Edward finds a suitcase full of money (hypothetically) alone on the street. What does he do? A) spend it B) buy gifts for loved ones C) give it to the poor D) give it to the state power legitimating the exploitation by the bourgeoisie (AKA the fuzz). Edward, the romantic, still unsteeped in proper respect for property rights, guesses B. Pops frowns, and li’l brother shouts, “Everyone knows you’re supposed to give it to the cops.” This is how “free markets” become “natural.”

The cop, by not shooting Edward, is doing a rather sly bit of race work. Edward desperately wants to pass—he wants to be normal, not special, not a minority. The cop, perhaps the only African-American character you’ve got (other than some classmates of Kevin’s), moves with a too-keen sense of the mob mentality. Edward hasn’t done anything wrong, but the mob is the mob. It’s unjust to kill him, and it’s also unjust to feed him to the wolves. So con the masses. They won’t believe a black cop, though, I guess.

If I shed a tear at the end of you, it was only since I was sad to remember how much I loved you 15 years ago and how that love is now gone.