The Megaopus

I’ve sorted iTunes by time, and I now am looking at all the songs I have that are at least ten minutes long. I’m trimming out the jazz, classical, and live stuff, and let’s see if the ultimate gesture of hubris, the ten-plus-minute megaopus, is worth it. Who wants to read some thoughts on really, really long songs?

1. 43.28. “Thick as a Brick,” Jethro Tull. “Really don’t mind if you sit this one out” is a hilarious way to start a song that’s an entire album long. Because this is the whole album, I don’t know if it counts as the longest song I have (that isn’t jazz/classical or a live recording), especially as a short version is on heavy rotation on classic rock radio. Still, this is a great song, with a lot of fantastic twists and turns. Apparently, while recording, the capstans on the tape wore out, so the backing tracks kept getting slower and slower, so the band would modulate to stay in tune. Worth It.
2. 19.36. “Diamond Sea,” Sonic Youth. The Pub used to have Washing Machine in the jukebox, and I’d put this on all the time. Not only is it long, but I bet no one but serious Sonic Youth fans can even listen to it all the way through. Hell, the processed guitar at the start would probably make most people carsick, and that’s before the ten minutes, or so, of dissonant, feedback-based jamming. Still, this a complexly plotted song—it’s not just a band singing a song for three minutes and then banging on their amps for 16. The return of the vocals is a majestic part, as is Thurston Moore’s making his guitar sound like church bells. Tie it all up with a portion of the song being played backwards, and you’ve got a winner. Worth It.
3. 19.07. “Revelation,” Love. You can count on the late ’60s for some ludicrously long songs, and considering this song opens with a minute of fake harpsichord, even a tone-deaf listener can imagine what’s in store. That said, it grooves along as a harmless jam, reminding me of the early Dead staple, “Turn on your Lovelight.” But it doesn’t groove quite hard enough, and the drum solo to close is pretty lame. I’d rather listen to contemporaneous Miles Davis. Not Worth It.
4. 18.46. “A Huge Evergrowing Pulsating Brain That Rules From The Centre Of The Ultraworld,” The Orb. I think this was the song that sold me on the Orb. Who hates samples of ocean over a slowly changing melody? I remember dropping this as “egress music” at Turkey Dance in 1998 or 1999. No one wanted to leave—everyone was transfixed by the clanging metal sounds and the ridiculous sampled Utada Hikaru lyrics. And then there are the church bells. Worth It.
5. 18.08. “Jenny Ondioline,” Stereolab. Sort of what you’d expect from early Stereolab. I like it, but I’m probably in the minority here. Not Worth It.
6. 17.32. “Refractions in the Plastic Pulse,” Stereolab. A lot of these mega songs work because they’re actually a handful of smaller songs stitched together, and this song is a perfect example. As it’s “late” ’Lab, it relies less on the motorik drive than on compositional sweetness. The song is in four parts, with the first parst wistful and French. After that part falls apart under an insistent farfisa, the second movement begins, which is a reprise of the first section with just more force. Part three is very remote. And, finally, part four is harsh yet exciting. What blows my mind about this song is that it’s not even the last track on Dots and Loops. Worth It.
7. 17.02. “In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida,” Iron Butterfly. What is there left to say about this cliché? It’s actually not bad, and it’s a shame that its main contribution to rock history is just its length. But peep this description of Ron Tepper from the back of the album: “Right now, however, his only concern is the Iron Butterfly, turtleneck sweaters, bananas, and the fairer sex.” I can’t even imagine that era. Not Worth It.
8. 16.51. “Love to Love You Baby,” Donna Summer. Figures we’d have two length clichés in a row. Allegedly, this song is the length it took the label owner (or whoever) to get his lovin’ on with Donna. I don’t remember if the moans are “real,” but this song is a sort of perverse delight. Worth It.
9. 15.52. “180-G: A Big 10-8 Place Part Two,” Negativland. The band seem to have given up on the song form in getting side A of A Big 10-8 Place together. Still, it follows that the description of being at 180 should be 15 minutes long. Who am I kidding? I think this song is great, but I think I’m the only person in the world who (still) likes Negativland. So taking that into account… Not Worth It.
10. 15.05. “Spanish Castles in Space,” The Orb. We already have one song getting a ton of love from The Orb Takes a Vacation, Goes to Another Planet, as James Perazzo used to call this album. As such, there’s no reason to give heat here, though the Utada lyrics are replaced by Slavic mumbling, and the dirge-like pace is a refreshing way for “Ultraworld One,” or whatever disc one is called, to end. Not Worth It.
11. 15.00. “Towers of Dub,” The Orb. Superbly valuable if only for the ridiculous conversation in the beginning, where “Marcus Garvey” is trying to leave a message for “Haile Selassie.” I might not do enough drugs to properly appreciate the Orb, but this cut gets a body shakin’. The version from Woodstock is probably even better. Worth It.
12. 14.30. “Cool Kids of Death (Underworld Remix),” Saint Etienne. Eventually, this list is going to have to deal with Underworld. This is not their sharpest work. In fact, I think there’s only like one good remix of a Saint Etienne song out there. And this surely ain’t it. Not Worth It.
13. 14.28. “Rapper’s Delight,” Sugar Hill Gang. This song is actually over 14 minutes long? It sure doesn’t feel like it. I shouldn’t even have to rate this. Worth It.
14. 14.24. “Spectral Mornings,” Cornershop. A growling duel between tablas and Oasis’s guitar, even though it’s the sitar that wins. Fantastic and sort of a breezy 14 mins. Worth It.
15. 14.15. “Back Side of the Moon,” The Orb. Too trippy. Orb, you sort of lost me with this track. Not Worth It.
16. 14.09. “Hold the Line,” Etienne de Crecy. If the Orb is too trippy, Crecy is usually too chill for my taste. That remains true here. Not Worth It.
17. 14.06. “Trilogy,” Sonic Youth. Great multi-part finale to a great album. The second movement is best, and if it weren’t as good as it were, the third part would threaten to change my rating. Worth It.
18. 14.00. “Reocurring Dreams,” Hüsker Dü. There’s something great about a punk band dropping a 14-minute song that’s a reconfiguration of one of the shortest songs on the album. Worth It.
19. 13.32. “‘Animal Or Vegetable (A Wonderful Wooden Reason…),’” Stereolab. Meandering, slow, and possibly rather worthless. Early Stereolab, man—sometimes it just fucking misses. The closing three minutes, or so, however, are surely worth a peek. Not Worth It.
20. 13.28. “A Big 10-8 Place Part One,” Negativland. My opinions on this album are well known. Someday everyone else will come to their senses. Until then, sadly… Not Worth It.
21. 12.59. “Untitled (Dauðalagið),” Sigur Rós. I usually forget that this tour de force isn’t the last song on ( ). Like making pasta, there’s not much action for the first six or seven minutes, and then at first there are little bubbles, and then, next thing you know, you have to rush to the cabinet to get the box of rotini. Even listening to this song now, it still startles me that there’s one more track on the album. I’m spent. Worth It.
22. 12.59. “Like a Motorway (David Holmes mix),” Saint Etienne. One of Saint Etienne’s best songs, except ruined. The original is great because of the brutally sad lyrics about a boyfriend committing suicide. No matter how catchy the remix is, its instrumental nature makes it a ripoff. Not Worth It.
23. 12.53. “The ABCs of Anarchism,” Negativland. Why do you all have to hate? Not Worth It.
24. 12.33. “B-Boy Bouillabaisse,” Beastie Boys. Appropriately named: a mishmash that kind of sucks. This is sort of like the end of Abbey Road, except the Beatles’ excuse for stitching together a (brilliant) mess is that they were busy breaking the fuck up. I don’t get that sense from the Beasties here. Not Worth It.
25. 12.27. “Reba,” Phish. It’s interesting that “Reba” is the longest Phish studio cut. Trey’s guitar solo alone makes this track worth the price of admission. Something clicked on the Lawn Boy sessions, as I think the band never sounded so at ease again in their lives. Trey’s solo is so unforced, so fluid, that it feels almost like it’s his brain playing it, not his fingers. Then it builds, builds, builds, and wow. Worth It.
26. 12.08. “Blueprint (Momma Loves Me),” Jay-Z. Maybe I should have limited this list to songs that aren’t album closers. You’ve got to figure that there’s a lot of temptation, especially if you’re a raving egomaniac (like Hov), to drop a giant bomb of a long song as your final cut. “Rapper’s Delight” justifies its length because there are like 23092329 MCs who need to get the mic. This track… hell, I can’t even tell if it’s a track with a hidden track, or whatever. Though I could also complain here about hidden tracks. What gives? Not Worth It.
27. 11.56. “Supernova at the End of the Universe,” The Orb. Look, The Orb’s Adventures Beyond the Ultraworld is obviously a fantastic album. Probably no other album like that will ever be released. That doesn’t mean I have something interesting to say about every song, or that every song stands on its own. This one, sadly, doesn’t, despite the attempt at a hip-hop beat. Not Worth It.
28. 11.56. “Divided Sky,” Phish. In some ways, their best song. The trickiest compositionally, no stupid lyrics, and a lot of unexpected twists and turns. I’ve listened to the studio cut a jillion times (my band in HS practiced this song, though we never performed it). Now if you were Phish, wouldn’t you have sort of quit after your second album? Sure, some of the mid-era albums are good (Rift is a masterpiece), but nothing comes close to Junta and Lawn Boy. Why is it that when Phish jumped to a major, all their songs got short? Worth It.
29. 11.52. “I Love Music (Dim’s Dancefloor Touchup Mix),” The O’Jays. I think, in compiling this list, that I casually slid over some house beats. You know, the “extended mixes,” etc. This song I would have passed over, too, for more or less the same reason, but I included it here to make a rather simple point: extended mixes probably have no point being in anyones iTunes Library, unless they professionally dj from their computer (as in, have it plugged into a pitch bend and a x-fader). Back when I was more serious as a DJ, I loved the extended mix, since it gave me time to flirt, beatmatch better, etc. It’s tough as hell to drop a two-minute song, since you’re already lining up the next song. The extended mix is like a big backyard; you can stretch out. That said, it’s almost never worth listening to, unless you’re at a club, and there’s someone special in front of you. Not Worth It.
30. 11.45. “Untitled (Popplagið),” Sigur Rós. Here’s the final track we were looking for! Track 8 recaptures all the themes coursing through the album and presents them one last time. But its scope means it can’t be simply a reprise—it’s maybe a cool down, those final five minutes on the elliptical machine, though, with genius, there’s a final surge to close the work out. Have I gone on enough about how great ( ) is? Worth It.
31. 11.36. “Fluff’s Travels,” Phish. The band at least gives us the benefit of splitting the song for us, with each part having its own name. I can’t, despite my fandom, remember what the hell the different parts are called. That said, “Fluffhead” is better than “Fluff’s Travels,” even though “Fluff’s Travels” is a fiction that exists only on CD (it’s not tracked by any serious set list collections). Whatever. Cute, but… Not Worth It.
32. 11.35. “Dear Mr. Bush, There Are Over 1000 Words For Shit And Only 1 For Music. Fuck You, Out Hud,” Out Hud. I’ve got myself frequently saying that Out Hud and !!! are what Phish should have evolved into. Great groups with an interest in groove and length. Instead, we got years of the pornofunk. In any case, this song sort of sits in the end of Out Hud’s new album, and it could qualify as even longer, since it segues out of the previous song, “The Zillionth Watt.” It’s a tour de force, and may even be the best song on the album, which is a feat. And I love the cello’s carrying the melody. Worth It.
33. 11.34. “Born Slippy,” Underworld. I think “Born Slippy” is the only techno song to have shorter mixes of it, as opposed to the ubiquitous extended mix. Or maybe this is an extended mix. Whatever the case, it’s a pretty dumb song, and I can’t believe how much I used to like Underworld. Not Worth It.
34. 11.30. “Darlin’ of Discotheque,” Pizzicato Five. I think this EP has three or four different versions of this song, each of a different length, with no other real difference. The shortest version is the bestest. Not Worth It.
35. 11.29. “Blue Milk,” Stereolab. Cobra and Phases Group Play Voltage in the Milky Night is still a giant fucking question mark to me. How could an album this unsatisfying appear between Dots and Loops and Sound-Dust? Saint Etienne fucked up in a similar way around the same time, too. Was there some kind of y2k angst in the air? That said, “Blue Milk” sets the stage for the shorter, yet more interesting “long” works on Sound-Dust, so maybe it has a role. Just not one that can let me rate it other than… Not Worth It.
36. 11.27. “Mother,” Electrelane. Now I love me some Electrelane, and this is surely a motorik epic. But something about this song feels like filler…at least until it explodes in fury some three minutes in. And the fury is kind of grating and irritating. Additionally the track proper is over 22 minutes long, but that includes dead air for the obligatory hidden track. Not Worth It.
37. 11.24. “The ‘O’ Medley,” Bobby Orlando. An extended mix that’s a medley! Way to sneak around my ground rules. I know this song from the 2 Many DJs album, where it’s pared down to, like, 2 minutes, with a Felix da Housecat vocal track running over the top. Still, it’s an interesting medley and worth checking out, just as long as you don’t get too excited about it. I’ll listen to it again on the machine tonight, and maybe my opinion will change, but, for now, paradoxically, it’s still… Not Worth It.
38. 11.22. “Last Tube,” Trey Anastasio. The shit I suffer through to bring you web content! Pornofunk sped up? Perhaps. Is Trey bitter that one of Phish’s best songs, “Tube,” is actually a Mike song? Not Worth It.
39. 11.12. “The World Is Spinning at 45 RPM (Sunroof Mix Edit),” Pizzicato Five / Gareth Jones and Daniel Miller. In general, the P5 remixes I’ve heard have been better than the Saint Etienne ones. I don’t think that’s the case here. The main problem is that the original is a pretty weak-ass song. You have to work overtime to fix that, and no one is willing to put in the effort. Too bad. Not Worth It.
40. 11.10. “Chain Reaction,” Can. Everyone’s telling me I have to check out Can. I have. They’re no Neu! In fact, this song reminds me of “Last Tube.” That should make you shudder. Not Worth It.
41. 11.05. “Hits of Sunshine (For Allen Ginsburg),” Sonic Youth. Kind of exactly what an LSD trip should be: long as hell, with a certain driving force, and a lot of loose ends. And flanged guitar. Worth It.
42. 11.00. “Blwerytirhwng?” Super Furry Animals. This is a really tough call. There’s something hilarious about six minutes of a repeating sample of synth noise shooting from channel to channel to close a song out. And the previous five minutes are a really great song that gets overwhelmed by the synth noise. But six minutes of a repeating synth noise sample is also a crime against humanity. Still, on hubris alone, this track is… Worth It.
43. 10.59. “David Bowie,” Phish. I suppose it’s a little sad that Phish followed the Bowie model with most of their jamming: a bit up front, and then just sort of a driving force for a half hour, or whatever, and closing it off with a bang. I would have liked something a little less groove-based, but that’s ok. Still, since this is off Junta, it means it’s from before the band got obnoxious, and, as such, is still… Worth It.
44. 10.41. “Demand,” Phish. What on CD is considered one song, performed live, would be three: “Demand, Split Open and Melt Jam > Yerushalayim Shel Zahav.” The “Demand” part is pretty ordinary, if not even boring. It’s not for nothing Phish performed this song next to never. Is it my imagination or did Hoist just not generate that many great live songs? Anyway, the middle part, the meta car ride with the Phish live tape popped in, might qualify this song as a “live” recording, but I’ll be a little forgiving, because that SOAM jam is explosive. So much so that the car even crashes! Sadly, the SOAM jam isn’t enough to save the song, so it’s… Not Worth It.
45. 10.40. “Egg,” Mr. Bungle. It’s kind of too bad that the long songs on Mr. Bungle are also the weak songs. Then again, “Egg” gets its length from a really obnoxious three-minute “there’s no place like home” jam and then three minutes of just noise sampled. A mess, bringing the album down with it. Not Worth It.
46. 10.21. “Dark + Long (Dark Train),” Underworld. If I hate Underworld, I still love this song. It could be the lack of vocals. Underworld’s vocals always annoyed me. Furthermore, its use in Trainspotting is completely top, and it’s just forboding as hell. I also like its placement on a mix I once made whose theme was “dance music in the convent, or, when your partner is Jesus.” Worth It.
47. 10.19. “Moments in Love,” Art of Noise. I don’t quite know what to make of this track, as I’m only now moving into deep cuts from the early AoN era. Still, it’s touching, if a little bland. Its inability to immediately floor me, though, earns it, for now, a… Not Worth It.
48. 10.17. “Viðrar Vel Til Loftárasa,” Sigur Rós. Would it be so bad if we reintroduced ðe eþ and ðe þorn into ðe English language? Anyway, ðe glacial pace of ðis track makes it hard for me to get too far behind it, so, sadly, it’s… Not Worþ It.
49. 10.17. “Sentimental Mood,” St. Germain. Sometimes I can’t believe how much I liked Boulevard. The moral? Fear shit on Blue Note. Not Worth It.
50. 10.12. “Pale Movie (Secret Knowledge Remix),” Saint Etienne. I believe my opinion on remixes of Saint Etienne songs is now obvious. Not Worth It. How could the band have even authorised Casino Classics is beyond me. Worst. Saint Etienne album. Ever. Not Worth It.
51. 10.10. “Nothing To Lose (Lounge Instrumentale),” Dimitri from Paris. Is this the place to bring up where I can’t tell if I like Blake Edwards’s The Party? Sure, Sellers’s character is an awful stereotype, and claims of “he did just as bad to the French” are disingenuous, at best. But god-damn is that a fun party, and god-damn is he hilarious. And Claudine Longet is perfect as the slightly confused love interest. Anyway, this is, of course, a hidden track situation, but I wanted to get The Party off my chest. Dimitri’s rendition of “Nothing to Lose” is pretty unspectacular, but the surrounding mess, including the hidden track, make it… Worth It.
52. 10.07. “Le patron est devenu fou!” Minos Pour Main Basse (Sur La Ville). I’ve complained extensively of the hubris of closing an album with a megaopus, but here we have one start an album. And, what’s more, half of the song sounds like a washing machine. Yet it’s still great and exciting. Worth It.
53. 10.07. “Hallogallo,” Neu! Another megaopus opener, and, perhaps, the archetypical motorik jam. A gem. We couldn’t have songs that sound like washing machines without this genius turn. Worth It.
54. 10.04. “Svefn-G-Englar,” Sigur Rós. A nice ditty, but out of its league in comparison to ( ). Still… Worth It.
55. 10.02. “Happy the Harmonica,” Negativland. Well, Negativland has long songs when they have narrative. This song is easier on the ears than the previously mentioned tracks, and it’s a cute story about America, but the haters will still hate. Not Worth It.
56. 10.02. “Dead Goon,” Mr. Bungle. There’s a reason this is the last song on what is, in general, a great album. Not Worth It.
57. 10.00. “Too Long,” Daft Punk. This title could refer to the length of this post, or to the idea of a megaopus anyway. A final track, but worth every second, this is a good way to go out. So 34 of 57 songs are deemed “not worth it.” I guess this means the Megaopus is pretty darn hard to pull off. Daft Punk got lucky. Worth It.