Media I’ve consumed recently:
Garden State: One of the more awkward movies I’ve ever seen. it feels like the people making weren’t sure if it was OK that they were making it. it’s also weird and the plot makes no sense and ian holm’s way of playing a new jersey jewish guy is just to continue to have a british accent but to talk more quietly. also, method man had his oddest cameo appearance in a movie since Copland, when he throws some guy off a building, or possibly The Great White Hype, in which i think he gets into a fight with a midget. In this he plays a hotel bellhop who also runs a burgeoning sideline in porn distribution who also has contacts in the graverobbing and antique jewelry gray markets. he also has great need of containers of nitrous oxide. This might give you the impression that Garden State is creative or quirky, which I guess could be more polite ways of saying off-putting and unfinished. Deeply uncalled for. also secretly racist and natalie portman creeps me out now.
Before Sunset: When did Ethan Hawke’s teeth get so goddamn fucked up? Also, Julie Delpy, I don’t get it. I get it slightly more than I used to get it, but you are no Juliette Binoche. I don’t remember the chain of events that led to me seeing this movie but it was short enough and pleasant enough to leave me in a better mood than i when i started watching it, which admittedly is no great accomplishment because I was probably angry when i went to go see it.
napoleon dynamite: the new mormon cinema of self-hatred is starting to freak me out. i don’t even know if the guys who made this are mormons. but i feel like they are, or at least i want them to be, mormons that is. very funny though.
white jazz, by james ellroy: this book contains the following, that i know of: two instances of incest. four murdered dogs. at least 15 murdered people, one of whom was murdered with a samurai sword while the murderer, who was not in any way planning this murder, was under the sway of heroin or something like heroin, weird creepy peepers, like 7 prostitutes, 9 million crooked cops, and many many other terrible things. and somehow i find reading about these things pleasant, enervating even. weird.
the power broker, by robert caro: ok, so i’ve only read 31 pages. but they were an intense 31 pages.
barack obama: yee.
shea stadium: a dump.
more details as they become available
spotted: asian man in doug williams grambling #12 jersey.
in firm support. i’m not sure what brought this on.
some readjusted assorted observations:
1. would have been better if michael moore left himself out of it. and what the fuck is wrong with his beard. seriously. how much worse could he look without that thing. i dont care if he has 4 chins, the beard is a goddamn crime against nature. please shave. and your movie made me cry. i don’t understand what your argument was. or if there was one, other than it sucks when people die and no one should ever die. and i dont understand why you were ragging on marine recruitment. also, i cannot believe that the military is mostly poor, undereducated minorities. i am floored. floored. i’d remind everyone that i’m still on michael moore’s side, so to speak, but i don’t, uh, understand what that entails. i guess it just means hating rich people? i don’t know.
2. they’re not actually going to make ditka run for senate, are they?
3. cafeteria food is quickly eroding my will to live. i think i’m going to start disappearing soon a la Act IV of back to the future.
4. diet dr. pepper: i changed my mind. you are a terrible beverage.
5. i haven’t had milk in 4 weeks. i think my femurs are starting to warp or something.
i hope i haven’t given the impression that i’m slowly becoming more dilapidated here during my state in the tristate area. i can offer the following list of things that are missing from my life:
…
a fair taco at my price (i recommend for everyoen to come down to the auction)
the cat
more people who know me
a subway system that i understand
melvin nieves family market
el ranchero brand tortilla chips, both the green and red kind
monolinguism (i like to think of spanish as english i can’t understand. thus, monolinguism)
…
side note: the red kind of el ranchero is secretly very, very good. they’re like libertarian doritos. shit. i don’t even understand what i meant by that.
what the fuck happened to allmusic.com? my head is on fire.
little of interest to the outside world is currently going on inside my brain. if anybody has any ideas for a feature pitch, now is the time to share them with me. now is the time for me to win. i spent most of yesterday being roughed up by the city county and state of new york. i got a summonseses for drinking a beer on the subway (just one goddamn beer, seriously. and there were three other people on the platform drinking). not my finest moment. and earlier in the day some crazy dirty bum-looking guy tried to knock me into a trash can. it was kind of awesome actually. he wanted to know if i thought i was a tough guy. i wasn’t sure so i didn’t answer. todays goal is to eat a bagel and then think about what happens next. i’d be a lot closer to my goal if ben stopped doing laundry and started bringing me bagels right the fuck now. also, carlos boozer: dead to me. what the fuck. why you want to spend the rest of your career with AK47 and not Lebronics? i like andrei kirilenko too, goddammit, but what the fuck? also, spend some time at that .ru site there. some pearls from AK47:
In my opinion, our actors of the Soviet period are in no way inferior to the current American stars. A recent Russian film I like – “Antikiller.” It turns out that when we set are minds to it, we can release a very quality action movie.
…
I cannot say that I love to eat well. I really like Sushi. Why? I just do. Also ice cream. Recently I’ve come to like dill. As for drinks, I prefer milk, milkshakes and non-alcoholic cocktails.
never mind. i understand and respect your decision carlos. i wish i could be on this guy’s team too.
words of wisdom from spiderman 2: “if you keep too much love in your heart, it can make you sick.” word. last thing: can we take a minute for ronnie belliard/vmart/matt lawton/cc sabathia. yes we can.
i went to other music and got myself birfday presents:
this
this
this
this
and this
i don’t care to spend much time here this fine morning but i will point the following things out:
one, the indians are back around .500. the upshot of this is that you can all cram one.
two, i’m going into some kind of terrible problem because i have not been able to watch or read about or talk to other baseball fans. this is terrible and i hate it. two and a half, espn.com made the terrible decision to take away my rob neyer columns and they will pay for this.
i’m not sure why i really bothered with this. people use the comment function to tell me the following bits of information:
1. a place where i might get sneakers in new york
2. a place where i might get records in same
also, i still have only ventured outside of these prison walls once. not that i actually feel like i am in a prison. it’s just that i haven’t seen any of the rest of the city except for a belgian robin hood-themed restaubar, a fucked up pier in brooklyn, some other bar, a third bar, larchmont train station, grand central, dave’s house, a casino in connecticut, borough hall, a stretch of some street that wasn’t broadway from 72nd to 78th, the inside of that one train, the insides of several subway stations, the corner of central park, the foot locker down there, that fucked up linen store, and that other bar. and the first bar as well, as well as the bar from the other time and the bar from yesterday featuring two zimplemen. and the bar where i had to drop bows on hipsters just to get to the bathroom. well, now that i think about it, some of those places aren’t even in new york. also, i’ve been in way too many bars in the past two weeks. so tell me shit to do in NY that isn’t best described as being in a bar. I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
another also, people from the east coast need to stop lying about the pizza. its good, and different, but there is no qualitative failure on the part of midwestern foods referred to commonly as pizza. alright i badly have to go to the bathroom now, but before i go, i saw a guy wearing a yao ming jersey in some park in brooklyn.
